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American Authorized Standard Evolutionary Version
Translated out of the original gibberish, all the manuscripts being diligently compared and revised. AMERICAN PRINTERS ENTERPRISES
(A.P.E.) ==================================== The First Book of Darwin
Called Chapter 1: 1. In the beginning Darwin rejected the Word of God. 2. And his thoughts were without form and void, but imagination moved upon the face of his deep mind. And the spirit of wine moved upon his intelligence. 3. And Darwin said, Let there be evolution: and there was evolution. 4. And Darwin saw the evolution that it was good: and Darwin divided the truth from the lies. 5. And Darwin called the truth lies, and the lies he called truth. And the evening and the morning were the first million years. 6. And Darwin said, Let there be an Amoeba in the midst of the waters, and let it divide in the waters. 7. And Darwin made up the Amoeba, and it divided in the waters which were all around it: and it was so. 8. And Darwin called the Amoeba Origin. And the evening and the morning were the second million years. 9. And Darwin said, Let the Genes and the Chromosomes be messed up and let the mutations appear: and it was so. 10. And Darwin called the good mutants "The Fittest" and the gathering together of them called he "Natural Selection:" and Darwin saw that is was good. 11. And Darwin said, Let the mutations bring forth grass, the herb yielding see, and the fruit tree yielding fruit: and it was so. 12. Then Darwin thought, I shall have to make man evolve to build up my image. After the likeness of an ape shall he evolve. And he shall have dominion over everything so that we can be our own gods. 13. So Darwin created man's evolution and built up his image. 14. And Darwin blessed the educated fools who came after him, saying, Be fruitful and multiply my lies. And they did... Chapter 2 1. And the educated fools formed Neanderthal out of the fossil record, and breathed through their nostrils a sigh of satisfaction; and man became an ignorant anthropoid destined for greater things. 2. And Neanderthal dwelt in trees until the monkeys threw him out. 3. And he dwelt in caves until the bears threw him out. 4. And he dwelt in logic until the fools threw that out. 5. And he evolved from an ignorant anthropoid into an educated fool even though common sense throws that out. 6. AND HE WILL CONTINUE TO TEACH IN OUR SCHOOLS UNTIL SOMEONE THROWS HIM OUT!!!!! |